My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
