We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
