Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
