There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I stole a fireplace last night.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
you never un-have a 4some
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
