Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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