We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
