I must be too annoying 4 u.
I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize