that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
