she woke up with a sticky ear
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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