This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
