I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
