i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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