Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
