okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
