I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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