What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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