so explain again why im purple
no
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
