if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
