You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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