What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
