Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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