so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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