I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize