And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
