He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize