I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
