i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
