i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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