I can't watch pbs sober anymore
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
