That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Randomize
