Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
