He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Randomize
