There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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