this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
She just used a chaser for red wine.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
