so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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