i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
