I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
The power of my boobs compel you
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
