Pants 0. Shit 1.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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