you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You're earring is so big in my mouth
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
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