he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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