Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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