I think im going to throw up on grandma
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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