Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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