I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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