bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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