I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
