The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
