Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
