I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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