pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
i think my cat just said my name.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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