Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
My vagina just recognized that song.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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