I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
