she was so not down for the gang bang
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
