Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Randomize