Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize