dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
