I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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