She is in my trunk
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
