how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
