walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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