Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
