imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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