don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
